THE! ROYAL! BABY!

About lunchtime I started to write a humorous piece about the royal baby, well, not so much the royal baby, but send up the fact that every news channel and every new bulletin was packed with totally boring stuff about nothing happening other than stupid people with nothing better to do with their time were standing outside the hospital where preggers Kate was inside in labour, or standing outside Buckingham Palace where the official announcement of its arrival would be made and every so often one of the waiting cretins would be interviewed to say how much they loved the royal family and how fucking excited they were and this was all fucking repeated about every ten minutes and it's now over eight hours since this crap started and they're still telling viewers how nothing is fucking happening but isn't it exciting! and no it fucking isn't! and David Cameron,we are told ad nauseam, is saying how excited the entire country is; well I'm not fucking excited, I'm fucking irritated by the whole damn thing and I'm sure I'm not the only one and, bugger me, but at times like this I start to think that maybe the Russians had the right idea about the czar and his family; hell, I'm not even a republican I'm just not fucking interested in the royal family but I am interested in the news it's just a pity that we're not getting any just fucking morons waiting for a woman to drop her sprog; and I shudder to think just how much royalist shit is going to be rammed down our throat when he she or it finally does arrive and then we have to look forward to about three years of the royal toddler, followed by years and years of the royal child and probably the royal siblings -the buggers can never have just one, always needing a spare- and, thankfully, by the time we get the royal adult I'll either be dead or too demented to notice: at lunchtime today this seemed quite amusing but I couldn't finish it because my computer for reasons known only to itself shut down and now, eight hours later, all I can think is, Christ I need a fucking drink!