A shorter version of this review appeared on amazon.co.uk under the title Glum and received a 2 star rating. This version incorporates XXX material cut from that review. Because of this, print quality of the reinserted material may not be as good. Caution: contains plot spoilers.
The best bit of this disc was the trailer for a sex and cannibalism movie whose name I can't remember but must look up and order! Lots of nudity, explicit sex, straight and lesbian, and some heart ripping out and munching and much more fun in a couple of minutes than in the entirety of this film.
Completely misleading cover (reminiscent of Boris Vallejo) as there's no devil anywhere. The triple X reinserts aren't remotely hardcore either so don't get too excited when the screen gets grainy. It consists mostly of a hand rubbing pubic hair. Okay, the naked beautiful faux-nun fondling herself isn't bad but there's a lot less sex than you'd expect. There isn't much gore either and what there is is pretty feeble. A fairly innocuous dessicated corpse which has been laying around the crypt in full view comes to life and strangles the servant (see below).
Most of the film is the cast emoting as loudly as they can. You have the nasty patriarch bullying and intimidating everyone. There's the blubbering servant who wants to save the daughter from being possessed by the soul of the dead (naked) mother in the catacombs -too late. Let's not forget the beautiful virgin faux-nun who relives her sexual tension by masturbating. The patriarch's crippled brother who wasn't crippled until the patriarch caught him shagging his wife. The doctor who was also shagging the wife. And the beautiful teenage daughter who also likes touching herself.
Basically it's a story of revenge which starts when the entire cast gather round the naked body of the dead wife. The naked wife has shagged the crippled brother and the doctor (and probably anything else on two legs). The patriarch wants to shag the beautiful faux-nun who fondles herself but she won't do it with him. Patriarch locks his crippled brother in the crypt to starve to death.
The beautiful naked dead wife possesses her daughter. The daughter doesn't actually do much except stand around near an intended victim. The first one to get offed is the servant (see above). Using her daughter to actually appear in person, the BNDW lures the trapped crippled brother to a hole which he falls into and dies (a mercy killing actually). The Patriarch beats the beautiful faux-nun and locks her up. The BNDW reveals herself to the Patriarch who falls over a balcony. The possessed daughter goes to the nun whom we discover is the love of her mother's life (and death it seems) and who wants her (cue more pubic hair fondling) to be her possessed daughter's lover. The nun, however has a conscience and goes to the naked corpse, lies on top of her and kisses her in a sort of necrophiliac lesbian scene and the corpse kills her so they are together in death. The End. Breath sigh of relief that it's all over.
And I've probably made it sound better than it is. Dull, glum, and dull. Now what was the title of that opening trailer? Something with 'naked' 'cannibal' and 'queen' in it I think.
Post Script.
Actually, it's Love Goddess of the Cannibals. Close enough.
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