DVD: CREATURE FEATURE: TEENAGE CAVEMAN

In 1958 the big reveal was that the past was actually the future.

In 2002 this is obvious from the outset.

After pissing off their tribe our six teenage caveboys and cavegirls set off on a journey and find the ruins of a city. They also find a teen couple who turn out to be over a hundred years old who were genetically engineered to survive the apocalypse. Neil, who unsurprisingly turns out to be the baddie, is one of the most irritating characters I have ever come across in a movie and the actor, Richard Hillman, ought to be shot as prances, gyrates, screams, sneers, and jibbers maniacally the entire time he is on the screen.

Anyway, he and his partner Judith (a stunning looking woman of Asian extraction despite her name) introduce our band (with the exception of the hero and heroine, see DVD sleeve above for their names) into the joys of drink, drugs, and sex (which goes some way to explaining the 18 rating when the other films in the series only managed a 15). Teeny problem: sex with either Neil or Judith infects their partner with the same virus they have only it doesn't always take and results in exploding organs. And if the sex doesn't kill them, Neil, bonkers from the start, will.

A strange little movie directed by Larry Clark (of controversial Kids fame) and written by Christos Gage (who has since, and probably wisely, gotten regular gigs writing comics for Marvel and other comic companies). Apart from me wanting to put Richard Hillman's head in a blender, the film had its moments and the attractive cast were often naked which made up for some of the annoyances and there was an adequate amount of gore. But, to be honest, it really was a pretty dumb movie.

DVD: CREATURE FEATURE: THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED

In 1955 they meant it literally.

In 2001 it's a metaphor.

 

Despite co-billing with Randy Quaid, Kinski is the main character along with Bobby Edner as the isolated and bullied psychic kid Ben. The strong core cast also includes Harry Groener (previously the jolly and totally evil mayor of Sunnydale in Buffy) and Stephen Toblowsky a well known character actor.

Kinski as a school shrink from NY arrives at the sort of small town where everybody stares at you, stop talking when you enter a room/bar, and have dark secrets. She befriends the disturbed Ben, though his doctor adopted father (Quaid) isn't happy about it. Ben is totally into Science Fiction (books, comics, movies) and is convinced that his father is an alien who will come to take him back to his home planet. His mother is dead. As he begins to remember things about his past an alien arrives and starts to kill people. Curiously it resembles an alien in an old b/w movie he sees on tv.

Major spoiler! I'm going to give away the film's big reveal now so if you have any intention of watching this DVD, don't continue reading. 

The alien is killing the people that Ben's subconscious knows were involved with the murder of his mother because they believed she was a dangerous psychic. While they knew Ben also had powers they couldn't bring themselves to kill a kid. The alien is a physical creation of Ben's subconscious.

So, not a bad little movie, well cast and acted, with a neat little revelation. This series of tv movies has been an enjoyable diversion. There's only one to go which I'll be watching soon and it's the worst reviewed of the lot. Could be fun.

DVD: CREATURE FEATURE: HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER

In 1958 they did it with latex-

 

In 2001 it was computers-

Desperate for a hit game, a company hires three experts -the nerd with low self esteem, the cool black guy with too much, and Tyler Mane as the aggressive one to create a pants-wetting video game. They pretty much get locked in a room with the idealistic intern (Clea Duvall), and the cynical manager (Steven Culp) and proceed to get on each others nerves. There are extended cameos by executive producer Colleen Camp as the top bitch company boss and B-movie actress Julie Strain playing a B-Movie actress called "Julie Strain" who gets her kit off to wear a motion-capture suit. Pay attention, that was important.

After the usual fuckups, the computer decides to play the game for real with each of our 5 protagonists representing a game 'life' and the motion capture suit as the game's monster. The suit does this by killing off our heroes and attaching bits of them to itself until it finally looks like the game monster.

Given that there is only a small cast and a small location, there's plenty going on to hold the interest  such as the sexual tension/clash of views between Duvall and Culp which has an interesting resolution and not the one you expect. This keeps going along nicely until the film finally turns into a gory stalk and slash until there's only one 'life' left.

Duvall is good, Strain (who should have been in longer) is fun, and Tyler Mane proves he can act rather than just growl or shout insults (cf X-Men).

The weakest of the three to date but still fun despite the dated computer graphics.

DVD: CREATURE FEATURE: THE SHE CREATURE

In 1956, She came from the past!

In 2001, She came from the sea!

 In both cases you have the privilege of seeing before and after. Except for one of them you have to stand on your head in front of your pc to see what the after is like.

This is actually the first of the Creature Feature series, though they were all made in a fairly short span of time, and I'll be suprised if it isn't the best. Sewell runs a fake freak sideshow in Ireland just after the turn of the last century and Gugino (with a convincing non-American accent) is his fake mermaid and lover with a shady past. One aging and drunk customer who has come to check out the mermaid actually has a real one in captivity and it killed his wife. Sewell, seeing money signs in front of his eyes, kidnaps it with one of his men (who plays a fake zombie) accidentally killing the old man in the process. Sewell gets it on board a ship bound for the States without the crew realising. Which is when thing start to get bad.

The mermaid is very effectively done. Human (and naked) from the waist up without swirling hair conveniently obscuring certain parts, but with odd bits of fins sticking out from her back and a long and very finny and warty lower half. Although non-speaking per se, the actress playing the mermaid is convincing. 

She also has psychic powers and it's clear quite early on that she is playing a game with Gugino, Sewell, and various supporting characters. One of the crew (Gill Bellows) knew Gugino from when she 'worked' in London and took all his money.  Shortly after threatening her, the mermaid gets loose and he disappears with claims that she's eaten him. This is ludicrous of course as she's human size. Eaten large chunks of him yes, but not swallowed him whole. Or did she?

Tension builds, new facts are discovered, and mist covers the ship until the mermaids plans are revealed and it becomes an all-out monsterfest when we see her true form and it's pretty ugly. This is a good well-made chiller and a nifty variant on the mermaid legend. Plus a neat little surprise at the end as all good horror movies should have.

Okay, She also comes from the sea as well.

This mermaid you don't want to bring home to meet your mum.

Happy Halloween.